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Eclectic Publishing, the publisher of Cool English magazine, is run by WHJ, a mysterious double agent (N. Korea - Iran) who emigrated from Kirkintilloch, Scotland, in 2001 to the snowy wastes of St Petersburg, looking for a better life, and a well-paid job.

He found neither, but did manage to get himself thrown out of Russia for upsetting the natural balance of President Putin's cabinet (the wooden one, not the one with all the ministers in it). Don't ask.

Some years passed, the weather (metaphorically, not meteorologically) improved, and WHJ once again found himself in Russia, only this time under the orders of Kim Jong Il himself. Having decided he could kill two birds with one stone, by throwing one stone and hoping to kill two birds, he took an assignment from Ahmedinejad at the same time. Unfortunately this was to be his undoing, at least as an international spy.

As the weeks of torture and misery turned into months, WHJ stiffened his upper lip, starched his collar, and set out for the labour camp's gates to escape. A quiet word with the man on the gates turned surprisingly to his advantage, when a most curious thing happened. The guard, shouting orders to stop and lie on the ground, made a few grammatical mistakes in his English, and WHJ, being a fiend for mistakes, pounced on the opportunity to correct the guard. He seemed well pleased with his free English lesson, and so they started a conversation. Their conversations turned to lessons, which became weekly meetings, until after a year of imprisonment, WHJ managed to teach his way out of prison, by teaching the guard the words for escape, and then hypnotising him into opening the gates in the middle of the afternoon. Genius.

With this new found gift, WHJ taught his way across the various 'stans which get in the way of Iran and Moscow, and soon enough found himself back in St Petersburg, where with a heavy heart he looked on the way English was being taught, and decided it was time to do something about it all. And so was born Cool English magazine.

Currently, Cool English is edited and overseen by WHJ, assisted by a number of faithful minions. On the production side, we have the slightly Welsh and very entertaining Sina Douglas-Jones who writes, edits, records, and does everything else she can get her hands on; writing we have all sorts from Sally "Penelope" Pilkington, via Amy Hill, Admiral General Sir Thomas of Hodge, Theo West, and David Bamford, to Alice Fry, erstwhile Editor of Cool English, and Anna Budashevskaya, also an ex-Ed.

Recording for the CD, we have, of course, the dulcet tones of WHJ, accompanied by the mild Welshness of SDJ, the gorgeous bass of Doug Pullar, and the mildly northern English accent of Peter Dyson. On the occasional side, we have Thomas Lawrence Lowers, an American world traveller and itinerant English teacher, accompanied occasionally by various poor foreigners who we manage to accost on the streets of St Petersburg.

In the office, we have it all kept under control by the indefatiguable TK, while subscriptions are masterfully managed by Sergei, distribution is seamlessly organised by Anya, design is dreamily dreamt up by Ira, and various other comers-and-goers provide the relevant support - computer geeks, CD stickers, couriers, drivers, etc.

Satisfied your curiosity?

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